May. 16th, 2017 12:34 am
respectorcist: (mulder)
blah blah dumping some character profiles here


Consider the case of Felix Thistlethwaite, scientist's apprentice. One must explain Felix early, to prepare the audience, and avoid any misconceptions.

Felix, as the name would imply, was not a happy or lucky lad, but a morose thing of age twenty-one, with little to no interest in marrying, or indeed, much in making friends either. This was not to the liking of his parents. There were many things not to the liking of Felix' parents.

He was overly tall, and overly thin, and overly pale. Freckles dusted muddy constellations across his nose and cheeks. His eyes were a foxy brown, and his hair, an even foxier red. Felix looked good in green and had a finely full mouth, an impression that was often ruined by a sullen exterior and a nose just a bit too long.

Felix was not devoid of a personality, nor was the one that he had entirely without merit. He had many interests. Felix liked to read literature and non-fiction alike, and he liked to write. But he did not like art, nor philosophy, because he was rather terrible at both. He wasn't stupid; he was bright, but in a way that was like a mountain stream. Cold, quick and shallow.

He had not been born the way that he was, mildly disagreeable. He'd once been a kind child -- he was still kind, beneath it all -- but had suffered a wound in war, and had lived through it. For his efforts in the name of the Empire, Felix had received a shot wound to his upper left leg, which had never healed back correctly near the hip, and which left him with a slight limp and an ache in his bones whenever the weather was damp.

Living in Worcestershire, it was always damp. So, it always ached.

It was that wound that had left Felix with a problem with opium, and it was that problem which brought him to where he was; sent off by his parents, ostensibly to work for a man, ostensibly to learn that man's field. But mostly as an alternative to being hustled off to rehabilitation on Osea Island.

He was, at least, cursorily interested in the sciences.


Being a man of science, Archibald Cross was as intelligent and fastidious a fellow as one could wish for, which was expected.

Exceeding expectation, he was both charming and managed to avoid being a bore. Perhaps it was the excitement with which he viewed his own work, or perhaps it was simply that he possessed a musical voice that fell on the ears as smoothly as a silk handkerchief (of which he owned many.)

Of slightly less than moderate height, and moderate build, Archibald made up for the offense by wearing quite a tall and well-made hat, and a particularly aggressive moustache, which curled up at the ends with cheek.

Archibald was a brownish man, with ancestors from one Tamil kingdom or another. His hair was thick and glossy black, as were his eyebrows and moustache, and his heavy-lidded eyes which ought to look sleepy, but did not.

His name did not suggest his background, and he seldom spoke of why to anyone. He preferred to allow the reason to be mysterious. Archibald often preferred to be mysterious. The man's age was much the same, difficult to pin down. He could have been twenty-five; he could have been forty. One would have to ask to be certain.

Archibald had been educated as a scientist, in some university or another, of multiple disciplines, but chiefly paleontology and biology.

Which did not explain many of the objects in his trunks.
respectorcist: (Default)
Drop a comment here listing your favorite colors, scents, or other little tidbits (and allergies, especially to nuts or oils or etc.) and I'll send a little present your way when my creativity aligns.

I will DM you for a mailing address when I have something for you!
respectorcist: (Default)

I've been gone approximately forever because of some real life shittery but I want to jump back into things. Except hahaha I don't know what any of my babies should have/would have been doing in the last couple months.

So I figured I'd flip the script and ask YOU GUYS what my characters have been up to (Tony, Dorian).

This way, you can inform me of any places where my chars were assumed to have been or we can agree on things.

Also, tell me where you would like Tony or Dorian to be THIS MONTH or any thing we should thread privately.

Thank you so much for your time and effort!
respectorcist: (Default)
State Of The Me: Sick. Very sick. Starting dialysis as soon as all my equipment arrives and I start training. Which means that I am literally worse than I will potentially ever be, because I will feel BETTER after I start dialysis, but they didn't want to start until they had to because there's an inherent risk of infection every time I dialyze. Other than that, better. Still having a lot of anxiety problems but my psychiatrist put me on an SSRI that seems to be working much better than the last one I was on.

SOTP below cut )
respectorcist: (Default)

Eh. Good and not so good. My health hasn't been great because I had a major issue when my primary insurance switched over to medicare that prevented me from getting a bunch of (expensive) prescriptions refilled, so I've spent the last two weeks without some necessary meds. That got settled though. I'm going out of town for a week from the 21-27, which will be good for me, because my social environment is awful at home. But that also means that this month has been a combination of stressful and short on time. So I'm gonna TRY to make reqs still, but I'm going to do private threads and tag=ins where possible, instead of EPing a lot?

I'm also going to drop some req length stuff for sanity's sake. It's not you, it's me. If I don't do this, I'll bottleneck myself.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE a private thread with any of mine for September, please comment and I'll set something up, I still want to play but privates are probably easiest to handle until this month is over.


Happy, except for a minor relationship hiccup that I ... still need to start threading. He's pretty content in Darrow, he's actually been relatively emotionally health lately. He's getting to know Krem better which is good for his little Tevinter soul. He definitely needs to do something to shake himself up, possibly something with action. I'll think on that for October.



I'm behind on him. He had a lot of folks arrive, and he hasn't been able to really emotionally deal with much of it, so I have to either sit down and put actual thought into that or something else. I need to solidify a plan for him. It's actually within his character for him to have been floating aimlessly for so long, because Gansey is Glendower and without that he has no anchor. He ought to be focusing on his friends now that Glendower is out of the picture. I ought to have him finally buy the warehouse in the country. Doing that right away seemed cheap though, because he wouldn't have had the money.



I like what he's doing a lot. I just wish I was doing more of that. He just needs more threads and to keep track of the folks he's already decided he cares about. I think I'll have a more concrete goal to work toward with Cole when I play the DA:I DLC just released. He should get up to more exciting stuff, and do some things more emotionally involved. And hug people. So much huggin'.



Just needs to DO more, and actually just needs another, more interesting, EP. But I know I 100% don't have time for an Alexia EP unless it happens in the last few days of the month, so October, maybe? Other than that, I really enjoy playing her, and she needs to meet more folks.



Just arrived, getting a debut EP.
respectorcist: (Default)

Help me get my shit together. )
respectorcist: (pip)
My therapist told me I needed to deal with my emotions. So I wrote about shit that happened to me. This was more for my use than anything, but whatever, I will put it here because the internet is my safe space. I got very sick and nearly died from necrotizing pneumonia last year. So don't read this is hearing about a stressful hospital experience would be a trigger for you.

below a cut for longs and emotions. )
respectorcist: (mulder)
SO, since I'm moving I'm trying to sell/get rid of most of my crap because I just own too much crap to be mobile. Therefore, below, is a list of single issue comic books that I'm giving away. Smaller amounts will be given away to wanting folks for free, heavier amounts I may ask just for shipping (book rate.) I really just want these to be read and enjoyed. The quality is good because I take care of my stuff but I'm not guaranteeing these are in mint condition or anything, especially as I'm giving them away intended for reading more than collection.

The runs below are kind of spotty and not always very complete, because I worked as a manager of a comic store for a few years and would scavenge my own collection when someone came in offering a reasonable amount of money for a back-issue they needed that I had. But there are a few gems. So have a look!

There are two more long boxes hiding around my house somewhere but I can't find them for the life of me so.


Feel free to ask questions to ascertain volume numbers or storylines or artist/writers, whatever you might like.
respectorcist: (han)
My retinas are damaged! I can no longer read non-digital comics! So my collection is going to go! I figured it might as well benefit people I like, because there's not a ton of resale value on trade paperbacks.

Comment below requesting any trades you might want. Please list them in order of most to least desired, because I will try to distribute them fairly between the people who desire them. I'll only be charging for packing materials and shipping! If you know hints and tips for me to do this more cheaply please do share! The books are in good condition but have been read, I'm not selling them, I just want them to have homes where they will get READ and ENJOYED as art is intended!

Not all titles are suitable for minors. If you want me to warn you in your comments, please tell me and I will flag any selections you've commented with appropriately.

I will probs be doing exchanges via paypal but can probably arrange something else.

respectorcist: (gael)

I'm working on two projects, both genre novels, both with female protagonists. But I'm having a problem. I don't know how well I can write a female protagonist. More truthfully, I don't know if I can write a suitably charming female protagonist, one that the reader will like, from a first person point of view.

By rights, my own personality type is an NT Rational. Rationals make up only 12-15% of the total population, and 2/3 of all Rationals or more are male. Basically, society is comprised of non-Rationals who interact with other non-Rationals. People aren't accustomed to a female Rational. And that's what I feel most confident in trying to write.

To a reader, though, I know such a woman will come off as cold, possibly even unlikeable, and not intentionally. Even if she is written heroically, the readers might find her objectionable. In fiction, Rationals tend to be pigeonholed. A Rational, if heroic, is likely to be The Spock, rarely the lead. Possibly the Ecentric Mentor, if they happen to be an ENTP, or a Big Good if an ENTJ. If non-heroic, they are almost always an Evil Mastermind or Evil Scientist. And they are also almost always male. As people, Rationals don't do feelings, we chiefly admire competence, and are pretty much only good for providing support for others if you need an aloof and slightly distracted shoulder to cry on. Even ENTPs and ENTJs are only charming until you get a glimpse below the smooth 'people-person' exterior and at the calculating mind beneath. If these people are being nice to you, it's because they respect you, or because they want something from you.

Kind of a hard sell, as a first person protagonist.

I'm not saying it can't or hasn't been done. I really like Burying The Shadow by Storm Constantine, which contains two central protagonists, one of whom is probably an INTJ by my typing. But her opposite protagonist is not a Rational, and allows a small break from that character, allowing the reader to 'rest' on a more nurturing, more feeling female for periods of time in the narration.

I know that I can write a male protagonist of almost (almost) any type fairly well; I know that I have that kind of range. But being a female myself, I find that there is less of a division between 'my experience' and 'my character's experience.' It is harder to completely remove myself from an idea of 'how would a woman react to this?' Which is silly. There's no such thing as 'a woman.' Even saying 'this woman' in my head doesn't quite remove the issue from, at base, the concept of her gender. Women are all types -- including Rationals like myself. And yet, there is still a voice in my head that worries that readers may be judging the femaleness of my cisfemale protagonist. That readers, being from an ultimately sexist social structure, might find a less warm woman to be more off-putting than a less warm man.

Which is ridiculous! Of course it is! I should write as I see fit, without worrying about the prejudices of my readers. As long as I know that I am being a responsible and earnest writer, why should it matter?

And yet it matters to me enough to make me reconsider the use of a female protagonist when I know that genre fiction is so sorely, sorely lacking ... and that there is no reason that I, a woman myself, ought not to be able to write one well.

I am a woman. There's no way that I 'can't' write a woman.

And yet ... there's still the worry that she might come off as intolerable.
respectorcist: (gael)
30 Seconds To Mars - Vox Populi
ever in love with your blood-lust and need?

Woodkid - Run Boy, Run
run boy run! this world is not made for you

Dr. Dre feat. Eminem and Skylar Grey - I Need A Doctor
doubts startin' to creep in, every day it's just so grey and black

Daughter - Human
woken up like an animal, teeth ready for sinking

Imagine Dragons - Demons
don't want to let you down, but i am hellbound

I SEE MONSTAS - Evolution
give me courage when i'm changing again

Within Temptation - Iron
it's the heat that makes you strong

The Unlikely Candidates - Follow My Feet
there's a fork in the road in front of me at the crossroads of identity

Hurricane Bells - Monsters
but wait okay, you gotta look before you go

Mother Mother - Dread In My Heart
there's a god-awful shitty feeling of dread in my heart

OK Go - White Knuckles
you'll never get the paw-prints out of the henhouse now

The Go! Team - Doing It Right
i see that lazy-ass attitude, hey, let it drop!

Panic! At The Disco - This Is Gospel
don’t try to sleep through the end of the world and bury me alive

Sawano Kiroyuki with Kobayashi Mika - ME+CREED
disguise is not a word on my page, and i must be stronger than days before
respectorcist: (Default)

ANYBODY WANT THREADS FOR APRIL/MAY? I'm working on the former and planning the latter.


Apr. 13th, 2014 10:54 pm
respectorcist: (bones)
Was doing some tarot readings today, and decided to assign each of my Darrow pups/queue pups a card from the Major Arcana. I was delighted to realize that there were no repeats in the cards.


Look inward to get to the truth of a matter.

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”
― Aldous Huxley


When you are feeling bound, you hold the keys to your own freedom.

"If we think we are bound, we are bound. If we think we are liberated, we are liberated."
― Swami Satchidananda


The status quo is dangerous; roll with change.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”
― Barack Obama


To be really alive is to have vitality, freedom, joy and self-expression.

“I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself.”
― Oscar Wilde


It's alright to be uncertain; don't try to force anything.

"I don't have to know an answer. I don't feel frightened not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without any purpose, which is the way it really is as far as I can tell.”
― Richard P. Feynman


Let go of everything that doesn't work. Reject every outdated attitude.

"To the questioner, nothing is sacred. He detests dogma, defies any finite definition of morality, rebels against any repression of a free, open search of ideas no matter where they may lead. He is challenging, insulting, agitating, discrediting. He stirs unrest."
― Saul D. Alinsky


When you meet good, become like it. When you meet ill, reflect on yourself.

“Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel. Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.”
― Gautama Buddha


Conquer your fears, control your impulses, and never lose patience.

“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.”
― Jane Austen


Do not avert your gaze from the road ahead to look constantly behind over your shoulder.

“I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.”
― Nelson Mandela


If you make a point to try, you will meet your challenges.

“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."
― Anatole France


Listen to your intuition, for it is nearly always right.

“Don't try to comprehend with your mind. Your minds are very limited.”
― Madeleine L'Engle


'Rightness' is when the heart and mind are in synthesis.

"Not for ourselves alone are we born."
― Cicero


The nature of life is ever outside of your control.

“All fortune is good fortune; for it either rewards, disciplines, amends, or punishes, and so is either useful or just.”
― Boethius
respectorcist: (Default)
Notes for myself on personality types and how they form relationships, data data data. I've sorted my character voices into what I think are their appropriate personality types. All my Darrow pups are there, as well as some prior headvoices still alive, and some I'm hopeful to play in the future.

A very interesting activity for my own uses.

cut because LONG and NOBODY CARES )

It may be telling that I am a strong ENTP myself, whups.

Shall refer to this with interest in the future.
respectorcist: (pepto)
I need to stop being a failure. In order to do that, I need to convince myself I am not a failure.

I know that I have critical but wide-ranging eyes, and that this is one of the better features of me. But more often than I turn that critical eye on the world, I turn it in on myself. It doesn't communicate well in my messy and chaotic presentation but inwardly, I'm a perfectionist, where I am concerned. I passionately and relentlessly measure myself directly up against what is realistically unachievable. The ideal.

I have four novels partially written on my desktop, one even above 100,000 words. I've abandoned all of them. They just weren't good enough, not interesting enough, not as good as some of the other stuff I've read produced by others. I'm mired in my own possibilities and haunted by my own inaqequate creative efforts. My ideas are just not good enough. None of them are 'the' idea. But why can't I get them there? Surely I'm capable.

I at once believe my own hype and passionlessly condemn myself. I want others to read my stuff and tell me my ideas are good, because that's the only way I can measure them up. Yet at the same time, I won't accept garlands of praise. I've already judged myself against perfection and came out sorely wanting. Even being told that something is good by a trusted source, I still stubbornly refuse to believe it. What seems like bravado and arrogance on the outside is really wry, sarcastic self-mortification.

My internal critic is nothing if not perniciously accurate.

I'm stupid and lazy and a failure.

No, Lysandra, that's not true. You're just not perfect. And your procrastination is due to your own fear.

So tonight, instead of working on finishing your novels, you're going to spend the time to write a stupid but cathartic blog post more about your own insecurities than the act of writing itself and hide it on your pointless Dreamwidth account.

And tomorrow you're going to get the fuck over yourself and work on your shit.
respectorcist: (urahara)
I like Eastern philosophy. Let's talk about shuhari.

Shuhari is a martial arts term originating in Japan, where it is part of the practice of Aikido. It's reminiscent also of the Wushu practice Di Ren Han.

The three syllables stand for the three stages of ideal skill acquisition.. In this case, I'm using them to refer to general skill acquisition, and for the purposes of this writing, also to refer to the process of becoming a better creative writer.

The first step of Shuhari is shu. Shu can mean 'to obey' or 'to protect.' And in the act of shu, we practice the fundamental principles of a thing. This is where we gather our framework of techniques. In this part of the process, we remain most faithful to the subject, learning from the masters that came before us. We read, we absorb. We practice.

The second step of Shuhari is ha. Ha means to digress, or even to detach from yourself. In the second step, we break away from tradition. This step is the step that invites more creativity. When we enter ha, we begin to think of innovations that we could be making. We begin to push our 'boundaries' a little, and test things to see what works, and what doesn't.

The third step of Shuhari is ri. Ri means to break away or to leave and represents transcendence. After building up our basic skills and then pushing our boundaries, we become able to make natural decisions about how to apply our skills, things 'flow' for us.

The three steps can be visualized as a group of concentric circles. Shu is encompassed in ha and both shu and ha are encompassed in ri. The goal of the first two steps is to reach the third, where we feel comfortable mastery.

This isn't to say that you'll always remain on the third rung It's possible that anyone, indeed everyone, will need to settle their learning method back down to ha or even shu. When we feel disconnected from the basic, fundamental skills of something, we should never feel bad about ourselves, ever, to stop and reconsider them. To re-learn the proper way of doing things before transcending it and making the skill our own unique possession.

There's a reason why the act of mastery here is being called shuhari as one concept, rather than simply ri.

To obtain skills in the last circle, we must always retain the skills that we learned in the previous two. We need to be careful not to discard them or their value. For an ENTP like myself, this is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. Isn't what I'm doing right now ... the most important? Sure it is. But it's still necessary to dot your Is and cross your Ts.

Otherwise they're both kind of just funny-shaped Ls and what we were trying to do becomes irrelevant.
respectorcist: (pepto)
I am working on a putting together a tumblr for dealing with examples of positive representative portrayals in fiction. No I am not putting this behind a cut or warning people not to read because it might not be relevant because I don't think it is unrelevant and see the selected character quote below.

Let's talk about Naruto and Killer Bee.

hail hail the gang's all here

Bee is a fictional character from the shounen manga series Naruto, a man, a ninja, in his early thirties, from the Lightning Country, one of the major five countries in Naruto's universe. The people of the Lightning Country, although they can have hair ranging from pale blond and red to black, are very predominately (but not completely), dark-skinned individuals, many with what are accepted to be Afro facial features. They all have their own individual personalities and power-sets, their own thoughts and beliefs. Bee himself is the adopted brother of the leader of that country's ninja village, and is extremely well-respected by the people there. Not because of his position. Because he's an amazing person. Because he is one of the most kind, perceptive and witty characters in the series.

Bee is introduced first as a mentor figure for Naruto, there both to train him physically to use his abilities and to train him to acknowledge his own flaws and work toward conquering them. Bee's whole goal is to make Naruto realize that he's a good person, with his own individual strengths and weaknesses to work around. He does this not by focusing on self-esteem, but on self-improvement.

Of course, this isn't to say that the character is a completely typecast Uncle Tom. Bee's got weaknesses of his own, like too much self-confidence, and the need to put his creativity before the feelings of others at times. We know these weaknesses because Bee is not just a side character. Bee is a secondary protagonist of the series. We get to see his backstory in detail, and he remains in-camera for hundreds of issues, contributing majorly to the plot of the series.

Kishimoto really cares about the character, and about fleshing him out and giving him equal status to the more conventionally asian-styled members of the main cast. Which doesn't come as a surprise. Kishimoto himself has stated that Bee is one of his two favorites, above even Naruto, the protag, himself.

I close this reflection with a bit of Bee himself, from chapter 544, as said to his adopted brother:

""Brother, I'm a big idiot as you said, and Naruto is as well, right dude? But the ones who accomplish things are the big idiots that don't care about how thick and strong the wall is."

Now let's bring it back down and talk about Darui for a couple seconds for entirely less cerebral reasons because I am also working on a bit about him but for now damn boy.

Thank you that is all.
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